The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Changed my Life, What about Yours?

As an avid reader and passionate English major, you would think that I would have read Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower prior to my senior year of college. Unfortunately, I have to admit it took me this long to finally sit down and dive into what has now become one of my favorite books of all time. When I say this book changed my life, I honestly mean that it opened up doors in my heart and soul that I thought were shut forever. Chbosky’s words are not just read; they take a life of their own and actually speak to the readers, guiding them on their own self-discovery. By commenting on specific quotes from the book that I found extremely profound, I will illustrate the significance of this book’s impact on my view of the world and myself as a human being.

One of the most important quotes in my opinion is when Bill asserts, “Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve.” While this is in reference to Charlie’s sister’s abusive relationship with her boyfriend, this quote put love and relationships into perspective for me. Prior to this book, I found myself in relationships that consisted of me dealing with unnecessary drama and negativity simply because I felt that I couldn’t do any better. However, this quote opened my eyes and heart to new possibilities. I was accepting a relationship that I thought was the love I deserved, but the truth is that I deserve more. I found more. I found more bliss and comfort in a man who truly does give me what I deserve, and I could not be any happier.

Another quote that hit home for me was when Sam says to Charlie, “It’s great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn’t need a shoulder. What if they need the arms or something like that? You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things.” One of my major flaws is my sensitivity and strong urge to put the happiness of others before mine. Yes, it’s great that I want to help others be happy, but sometimes you have to find satisfaction and happiness within yourself in order to find it within others. This quote also showed me that I can’t just sit back and wait for good things to happen in life; I have to get out there and make them happen.

Finally, the most significant quote for me, but also the most popular out of the book, is when Charlie recognizes a brief moment of complete ecstasy and says, “And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.” I honestly can’t devise a better phrase to sum up that amazing feeling of genuine joy, acceptance, and comfort you find in those rare, brilliant moments with your friends. As graduation quickly approaches, I remember times in which I felt that infinity, and I let out a sigh. I let out a sigh of accomplishment because if I can recall at least one of those precious moments, my life is, well, pretty great.

While these are only a few memorable quotes from the book, I have to confess again that the book as a whole did more for me in 213 pages than others have done for me my whole life. For that, I am eternally grateful towards Stephen Chbosky.

Find Your Buried Life...

Every Monday night at 10pm, thousands of people across the country tune into MTV to watch one of the network’s most significant and intelligent shows in years: “The Buried Life.” For those who have no idea what I am talking about, here is a quick synopsis. The show is a documentary that follows for young men as they prove to themselves and the world that anything is possible. How did they start this adventure? They all sat down with a piece of paper and asked themselves one simple question:

What do I want to do before I die?

With a camera crew and a massive bus, they tackle their list of 100 dreams. From playing basketball with Obama to delivering a baby, these four guys truly show us that there is nothing out there stopping you from reaching your dreams. Here’s the best part about the show: For every dream they achieve, they also help a stranger on the street knock off one of the dreams on their list. With hilarious obstacles to beat and heart-wrenching stories behind each person’s dream, “The Buried Life” proves that MTV has not lost its credibility and value as a network.
As a result of falling madly in love with this show, I decided to go out into the Ursinus community and ask students the same question: What do you want to do before you die? As you read the following dreams of your fellow peers, take into consideration your own goals. Who knows, you may even find a new dream!

“Run an ultramarathon. Barefoot.” – David Darmon, 2010
“To write an inspirational and memorable song that will motivate and encourage young people to take interest and gain appreciation for music education and music in general” – Ron Stanix, 2012
“Create an astounding abstract art piece that ends up in a gallery and makes elementary school kids say, ‘even I can do better than that” - Kaitlyn Vanderlaan, 2013
“To visit all the Seven Wonders of the World (Natural Wonders, Underwater Wonders and Industrial Wonders)” – Brendan Walsh, 2010
“Become a performer in Walt Disney World” – Danielle Chmelewski, 2011
“To go canyoning in the Swiss Alps, where you can hike up to the top of the mountain, ride down the man-made waterslides in water suits, and jump off mini waterfalls into deep holes” – Sarah Ebling, 2010
“To live on a boat for a month” – Ernest Constantine, 2011
“Meet Danica Patrick and race in the Daytona 500” – Audra Lins, 2012
“Punch Sydney Crosby in the face” – Peter Lipsi, 2010
“I think it would be pretty satisfying if I could knock out traveling by going to every continent and knock out making others happy by doing some community service task that could change the lives of the unfortunate on each of the 7 continents” – Carolyn Martin, 2010
“Learn to dance” – Nicholas Ferrante, 2012

My obsession with this remarkable show got me thinking how often we all waste the time we have on Earth. Life is never guaranteed. I am sure all of us have heard the phrase, “Live each day as if it’s your last.” Now ask yourself: Do you? When you see that girl in class and think of how you want to ask her out, do you? When you watch someone skydive on the television and tell your friend next to you that you want to do that one day, did you ever make plans to actually follow through? Sometimes, we let the busy tasks and responsibilities of our everyday lives blind us from what our hearts are really telling us to do. My hope for you is that you uncover that ambitious life you’ve hidden and let it free. Find your buried life, and let it live.

Top 5 Reasons I Loved Superbowl XLIV

We all know by now how the events unfolded: The Saints win Super Bowl XLIV and all Colts fans felt nothing but pain for Peyton Manning. Unlike the majority, I actually found other aspects of the Super Bowl to talk about the days following the monumental game for New Orleans. In my opinion, the commercials provided more entertainment than the actual football game. As a result, I now present to you my top 5 favorite commercials of Super Bowl XLIV.

1. FloTV’s “My Generation”
While this commercial lacked any humor, I found it to be one of the most profound commercials displayed during the Super Bowl. First of all, the fact that the music was “My Generation” by The Who, the half-time showstoppers, demanded much respect. Second, the message of the commercial hits home for our generation. Our parents were there when man first walked on the moon. Our older brothers and sisters were there when MTV first broadcasted on the television. Now it is our time to have a story about where we were when that big moment occurred. As FloTV asked, “Where will you be?”
2. Dodge Charger’s “Man’s Last Stand”
As I am a women, a part of me truly wanted to find this commercial sexist and insulting, but I honestly have to say that Dodge’s portrayal of women’s dominance over manhood forced me to smile and laugh. With each comment that man admits we force them to do, I could not help but recognize the truth behind each. Every female knows a woman who makes her husband throw his “underwear in the basket.” If not, I am sure females on campus can identify another female who forces her boyfriend to either read or watch “vampire shows.” Either way, the statements were dead on with society and equally as embarrassing for women. So ladies, as long as he agrees to “carry our lip balm,” let the poor men choose the car they want to drive.
3. Google’s ” Parisian Love”
It may be the fact that Valentine’s Day is right around the corner or the fact that it was one of the few commercials that did not revolve around men being “men,” but I found Google’s commercial absolutely adorable. As the man types in Google’s search different words such as “how to impress a French woman” and “churches in Paris,” the viewers cannot help but get attached to the character and his new relationship. Above all, the moment that sold this commercial for me was when he types “long distance relationship advice,” erases it, and then types “jobs in Paris.” It is in that moment that Google captures the meaning of love.
4. E-Trade’s “Jealous Girlfriend”
I think many people would agree with me that E-Trade’s commercial is one of the most talked about commercials of the week. I mean, who doesn’t love those hilarious babies? There are plenty of couples who can relate to the argument between the two babies; a jealous girlfriend accuses the boyfriend of having a girl over his place. What makes this argument funnier than the one you had last week? His girlfriend calls the mistress a “milkaholic,” only to have his mistress respond by popping in the screen in shock. Do yourself a favor and watch the commercial to actually see her reaction.
5. Kio Sorento’s “Joy Ride”
What makes this commercial so entertaining? Maybe it was just met, but I think the parallels of Kio Sorento’s commercial and the film, “The Hangover,” are uncanny. From the first couple seconds of the commercial, the viewers sense the special camaraderie between the different toys. Yet, it is when the toys are riding into Las Vegas where I immediately recognized the similarities, making me laugh all the more. As we later find that the toys imagine this journey while sitting in the backseat of the new 2011 Sorento, you can almost hear one of them mumble, “I guess that’s why they call it Sin City.”

There you have it, Ursinus. While some of you chose to actually watch the game, others like me simply felt apathy towards the teams involved. The cure? Enjoying the new hilarious and sentimental commercials revealed for the first time in 2010. Besides watching “The Titanic” on TBS, I could not imagine a better way to have spent my Sunday night.

Relationships vs. Friends With Benefits

“Hello, I’d like you to meet my...”

A twenty-one year old college senior should have plenty of experience about dating by now. But as I try to sit and give advice about dating, I discovered the shocking fact that I never truly dated. I’ve hung out with guys, went to parties, and even went to movies with guys, but each time, they stressed how it was NEVER a date. I told myself time and time again that these guys were interested, but these “outings” were never dates because dating is, well, out-dated. It simply does not exist anymore. People just hang and make-out, right? Yet, my friends in relationships confessed they went on actual dates before getting seriously involved with their partners. None of my “outings” lasted, and each guy eventually gave me the boot. Flash to my ground-breaking, earth-shattering realization: If he claims it’s not a date, wake up because you just fell into the “friends with benefits” category.

Dating still exists, especially for young people. If you go to a movie on a Friday night, you are bound to see a guy pay for a girl’s ticket and popcorn, and then put his arm around her shoulders while they watch the movie. Does this seem like a foreign concept to you? Then, like me, you’ve probably never been on an actual date. You’ve only “dated” guys who used you for company, whether physically or emotionally. More and more naïve women get manipulated into being a “friend with benefits.” What does this category entail? Basically, he gets all of the perks of having a girlfriend, such as physical needs or emotional support, without ever having to be a boyfriend. What does that mean for us, ladies? Well, it means we get sucked into a “relationship” without ever being in an actual relationship. Make sense yet? Honestly, it’s very easy to get manipulated into this sort of relationship. The only thing to do after falling victim is to catch the signs early enough to get out.

Ladies, if you are going to take away one thing from this article, let it be this: The Signs of Being a Friend with Benefits. A red flag should pop up in any of these following circumstances. First, he never wants to take you out. He claims that it’s easier and cheaper to stay in and watch a movie. FALSE. He really just does not want people to ask questions about you if you are seen in public and watching a movie in your basement can easily turn into making-out. Second, if by chance he does take you out in public, he makes you pay for yourself. Why should he pay for you? It’s not like he’s trying to impress you. Third, and most importantly, he tells you he cares for you, but he does not believe in committed relationships. RED FLAG, LADIES! It’s not that he had his heart broken before and is scared. He honestly just cares about you as a friend. As long as he tells you he cares, he knows you will most likely stick around, and he will inevitably continue to reap the benefits you give.

Do I want to scare other women from getting involved with men? Not at all. Do I want to help women realize if they are being tossed around and used for fun? Absolutely. I wasted a year and a half of my life in what I thought was a relationship to then find out one day that he was getting involved with someone else. How can he get away with that? Because we were never a couple. Trust me, it makes the “break-up” that much harder when you realize you were fooled the entire time.

Take my advice and run with it. Don’t trick yourself into believing dating doesn’t exist anymore because honestly, it does. When you finally have a guy treat you the way you see women treated in the movies, you will know he means more than just a hook-up. Don’t let yourself settle for anything less than what you deserve. The more credit and respect you give yourself, the more credit he will give you in return.

Can You Ever Be Friends With Your Ex?

After talking with many students and friends over time, a common issue that I find is the difficulty in defining a relationship between two people AFTER a break-up. If you continue to talk to the person, and hanging out tends to become easier and more fun, the relationship seems to head in the direction of friendship. Yet, can you really say that those “other” feelings for this person are completely gone? Does this other person never contemplate “what if” or consider looking at you in a romantic way anymore? While these questions may seem to intrude on a good thing, they always seem to lurk underneath both parties involved. This leads me to what I think is a question most of us have asked ourselves at least once in our lifetime: Can people every really be friends after a break-up?

In many circumstances, romantic relationships are created from a pre-existing friendship. You may have turned to this other person for emotional support in the past, and they always succeeded, knowing exactly the right thing to say at the right moment. You may have shared similar interests and laughed over the same jokes. Flash forward through the realization of possibly being more than friends, the awkward first kiss, the three years of dating, and the awful, heart-wrenching breakup. After time apart, the first post-breakup encounter, you eventually begin to hang out with your ex on civil, and quite possibly, friendly terms. But can you honestly say things are back to the way they used to be? If you had a life-altering decision to make, could you go to your ex again and ask for advice? If the answer is no, then it goes without saying that the friendship just isn’t quite what it used to be.

Yet, after much observation and some personal experience, I’ve grown to learn that it is perfectly okay for the new relationship not to be like the old. That’s what it is: a NEW relationship. If you think about it, it is very rare for any friendship to remain the same over time. People grow up, find new interests, and find new meanings in life. It’s all a part of growing older. So why should we worry and stress over defining a friendship simply because we once were romantically involved with the other person? Yes, you once shared a physical and emotional bond with this person that you may not have had with your other friends, but that is just one block that builds your newfound relationship. Experiences shape us into the people we are today. So why can’t our past relationships shape our new ones?

Take for instance my friend from home. Let’s call her Susan. Susan was engaged to a man for almost a year, when she realized that he was still in love with his high school sweetheart. Of course she was upset after calling off the wedding, so she took about another year to grieve and recuperate. Yet one day, she ran into her ex-fiancé, and decided to go out to lunch with him to catch up on their lives. Now, Susan told me that she considers her ex to be one of her closest friends. They continue to meet for dinner at least 3 times a year and continue to keep one another on their Christmas Card lists. If you ask Susan, giving her ex a shot at friendship was one of the best decisions of her life.

My advice is this: don’t waste the time and energy trying to analyze and tear apart every factor of your friendship with your ex. If the new relationship is working, don’t sabotage it! For those of you who are lucky enough to return to your old friendship prior to the break-up, that’s great for you. But for the rest of us who seem to be in the land of the unknown, we have nothing to sweat over either. Unless your ex confesses his/her undying love for you, there is no need to worry about where your new relationship is heading. Embrace the opportunity to get to know this person again in a new light. You never know, the next conversation with your ex could be the start of a beautiful friendship.